This post is literally an outpouring of my heart. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s not tied up in a pretty bow. It just is.
When I started this journey, I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I have 3 kids, a hubby, a dog, a home, we homeschool, and countless other things to take care of. So putting myself on the list of things to take care of was hard. But I knew I needed to do it anyway. That’s one of the reasons I became a Beachbody coach. The accountability it held.
Ugh…I don’t want to paint the wrong picture here. I want to choose my words wisely.
The past couple of months have been super hard for me in the whole “journey to a healthier me” realm. It’s been hard to even talk about honestly. In part because I didn’t know what to say. But I started this wanting…needing to share this journey. Because I know i’m not alone. Because writing is therapy and how I process things.
Somehow, I got lost in the business side of coaching. Not necessarily doing it for the money but more getting frustrated with myself. My body. Becoming EXTREMELY self critical. Then binge-ing because I was so upset. Because I wasn’t getting results that would get people’s attention. If I couldn’t get good enough results, I couldn’t get people in my accountability groups. If I couldn’t get people in those groups, I wasn’t a good enough coach. I wasn’t a good enough coach because I wasn’t getting good enough results. and so on…
Workouts became just that. Work. Those #sweatieselfies felt more and more fake. Posting just to post.
I’ve felt like a failure, a fake, and a liar, and I’ve wondered if people thought those things too when they looked at me.
And it has worn me down. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.
Then, my amazing friend Cory posted THIS on her blog. And I cried. I felt stupid for crying.
But now I feel like less of a failure, because this is just part of the journey. There will be ups and downs. There will be weight lost and weight gained. There will be healthy food eaten and crappy food eaten. There will be good workouts and crappy workouts. There will be healing and heartache. But I’m going to own it.
Because it’s MY JOURNEY. Because I’m doing this for ME.
I’m not doing this for money. I’m not doing this to have people like me. I’m not doing this to show off. I’m not doing this because I hate myself or my body.
I’m doing this because I love myself. I’m doing this for my kids. I’m doing this to be here for them and my hubby. I’m doing this to feel good. I’m doing this so I can run and jump and live.
So..what does this mean for me being a beachbody coach? Honestly, I’m not sure. Right now, I’m going to remain active. I love the company and their products and will still continue to use them and tell others about them, but I won’t be focusing on it as a biz. Will I still hold accountability groups? Yes and No-I’m going to focus on my FB group more-anyone can join no matter what fitness or workouts you are doing, no shakeology requirements etc. I will not be holding specific accountability groups for beachbody products right now though. That may change in the future. I just know that right now-I need to just focus on the journey itself and not focus on my results (or others results honestly) to get more “clients”. Fitness and nutrition are still HUGE passions of mine that I believe will always be there and that God gave me for a reason. One day I may be able to make them my biz and I would love for that day to come, but it’s just not right now. And that’s OK.
I will be happy to help you in any way I can on this journey-no matter what. Just reach out in someway. If you’d like to join my accountability group, it’s HERE.